Dirty here....
Chonies your last post raised some good points about word combining. The words I would like to combine today are shit and fuck....shuck, of course.
Over the last three days I have hurt and I have battled. I was wounded by Sugar Lips and the scratch marks i found down his back Sunday night (scratch marks that weren't mine). I know what you're thinking - f*ing @sshole?!?! right? I thought that too. In fact, I'm pretty sure I said something to that effect directly to him. And then I proceeded with the how could you's and my heart hurt's and blah blah blah's...you get the picture. For the last couple of days I have been depressed and hating Sugar Lips. But I talked to ALew last night and she had a different take on the whole situation....
Alew told me that I need to get over myself. At first I was in shock. But after hearing her explain, i'm starting to realize she could be right. She feels like Sugar Lips is a pro athlete, and not only that but he is a superstar pro athlete. His life is different and weird and crazy and she says that I show no understanding for that. He can have pretty much whatever he wants. And he said he wanted me. And I told him no. And so he kept doing whatever he wanted. And I got my feelings hurt. And then reacted by feeling sorry for myself and expecting him to feel sorry for me. That is retarded. She is right.
Then I had a talk with Auntie Zish. Auntie Zish said that sometimes you need to step back, look a little into the future, and re-assess what you want in life and what is important and what is not. Auntie Zish also said that we need to take risks and see what happens so we never look back and wonder what could have happened with regret. I fucked that up too.
So i am going to give it a rest. I feel stupid for being so dramatic.
I feel like chonies would never have made the plethora of mistakes that I made. She is too wise for that. And she warned me in a gentle way a couple of times to stop. But i lost control.
So now I've decided to stop making plethoras of mistakes and instead focus on my wonderful friends and my family and everything that is good about my life. I'm pledging to keep embracing the positive and stop focusing on the negative. And if Sugar Lips comes around and we can talk it out, all the better. If not, lesson learned. Another one. And I'll be better for it either way. Oh, and Chonies, don't think that it hasn't occurred to me that this new forgiveness for Sugar Lips and this realization that I am partly to blame means that somehow I am still under control of the alien leader, and that this shit is out of control.....and if that is the case, then shuck!! It may be a bad idea, but for some reason it feels right. Maybe it is my alien heart, but I want to follow the alien leader.
Dirty-out!
