Isn't this just perfect for today... TBC

MANATEE.... Really??? and other advice...

Ok first of all do you really feel like that picture above? I mean Really just over eating a damn burrito?
I'll tell you what dirty... I can tell you right now you are no where near that big...what happens when hops, wheat, mandarine vodka, soda and don julio mix.... you become somewhat of an alien...and when you are an alien...things are so far out of whack...you cant really make sense of it...and Aliens are also depressed by nature, I think this is what we have on our hands here.... a depressed alien who thinks it looks like a manatee... shit they are ugly.

How do we change that???

Let's see, since we know you will probably do this again, we have to put things into perspective.
Drinking beer and eating pizza while watching the "LYMPICS"...that's how Carlos says it..is totally normal. What happens with us both is that we start to feel really great and we want to constantly be at that STELLAR level where we are invincible right... I mean I know S and L are pretty freakin awesome, but we have to let them know they are only allowed out at certain times... I think you catch my drift (did I just write that on my blog...totally reminds me of my dad RAUL) ANYWAYS

for now just detox with some comfort food, like burritos and just don't think about it.

As far as sugarlips is concerned...well I think L may have hurt his feelings because L "is tired of it" and frankly she doesn't give a F about anything or anyone sometimes...I know I know S is like that too...that's the only reason I know

SL is gonna get over it. He absolutely adores you already and it hasn't been that long, and you know why? You and not any other girl he could have?
Because you are someone totally special and amazing... that's right believe it!
You are a one (out of two) in a million!! Guess who the other is?

I love you Dirty!
Now perk up and get your life together... TRL's are a must in this life time, it's how we cope, how we get it out of our system, it's US and how we live and we should NEVER, EVER regret our fun times in life, because....we never know when our homeboy Jesus is gonna bring us home to be with him!
-peace out
CHON's

I'm tired of it

Dirty here. I just ate a burrito and I feel like a manatee. Not that that is the biggest problem I have. I have lot's of other problems too. Most of them revolve around a deep seeded tendency towards self destructive behavior. Let's take last night for example. I went to the local pizza spot to watch the USA vs. Canada game - seems harmless enough. But instead of having a couple of beers and calling it a night considering it is Sunday and I have to work on Monday I decided to pound back about six beers and half a freaking pizza. Healthy. Then I decided shit, why stop at six beers? Why not go down to the local dive bar and knock back about five mandarin vodka and sodas and a couple shots of don julio? It's not even midnight after all, and who doesn't like a little case of the spins?! So thats what I did. I went to the bar.

The bartender certainly appreciated it - I have vague memories of him singing kareoke and changing all of the names in the song to mine. And some lonely bar patron named Silver that I recruited as my bff for the night appreciated it too. Pretty sure I made his night. You know who didn't like it though? Sugar lips. I called sugar lips just after midnight after I dismissed MYSELF from the bar for being too drunk. I don't remember the entire conversation, I just remember saying "i'm tired of it" and "I want to quit this" and i remember that sugar lips said that he "doesn't like my attitude tonight" and that I made him sad. And that pretty much sucks because he is in another country right now doing some pretty extraordinary things while I am drinking my face off at the dive bar and for absolutely no good reason, bumming him out. After that phone call i smoked a cigarette in my room and stuffed it out in my candle. The clothes i was wearing are still in a pile on the floor, so I'm guessing I did that naked, and then I "worked from home" because I couldn't pull my life together and make it in to the office. What a train wreck. The problem is that as much as I hate that I TRL'ed, I had fun. Lots of fun. So I'll probably do it again. And again. And again....

Is it possible that i really like sugar lips? but feel like he could have just about any girl he wants, so why me? And so I make it so? Like a self fulfilling prophecy type deal? I think I must hate myself.

Regardless of all that, the real question now is how do I get sugar lips back on my team? If he were here I could just put on something sexy and blow him. But since he is hundreds of miles away, what do i do? Please help...

Hello Jesus, are you there? it's me Chonies...

Hey blog world.... I have been talking to Jesus a lot lately these days. I keep telling Dirty that Jesus has got our back... I need to remember that myself.
Why is it that we can give advice and encouraging words, yet not remember them ourselves and take our own advice? What is that?

I am on the verge of actually trying to follow my own advice, but that is freaking hard.

I mean really how often does our own advice apply to ourselves?


Today Carlos told me he was nervous about going on the next trip with me, because when we drink together he feels things don't end up OK, like there is drama between us...where am I going with this you ask? Stay with me, it falls in the taking my own advice sucks category....

So I immediately think about my alter ego, I know he's referring to her, and is in a passive aggressive way saying, keep her ass at home or this wont turn out so great... and the ONLY reason this even came up was because he was acting all aggressive this morning and angry, the things he was saying were negative and angry about everything, so I asked him...."whats wrong?" do you see a pattern here? and this is when he finally spilled it and said. "I HATE YOUR (ALTER EGO NAME insert here)!" NOOOT haha I was kidding, he didn't say that but he may as well have.

I don't know I could totally be being sensitive to it. What he really said was that he want's to quit drinking, he doesn't feel healthy and he was angry at him self for drinking mid week...remember the hurricanes on Wed?

SOOOOOOOOO I know I should be saying "baby-it's cool I will keep it under control and we will have fun" RIGHT???...but if I say that I am going to blow it for sure... So in this case I AM NOT TAKING MY OWN ADVICE, that is the advice I would give to others in this situation. "Make him feel at ease, assure him things will remain in control...."
PSSSSSFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Jesus, are you there? It's me Chonies... what would Jesus do?

Peace-Chonies

slamming around things at beakfast time really hurts my head...

oh wow...it's pretty damn early and my head is pounding, I am successfully on my way to the mother-ship in a couple of days, I am patiently waiting for my advil to kick in.......waiting.... the hurricanes that we drank last night are really kicking my ass right now.... so back to the slamming around things at breakfast.... Carlos(that is what we will call him for lack of a more creative name) must be pissed at me.

Let me back track, there are a few key things that lead me to believe my alter ego, (insert name here.. I am not gonna name her it would give away my identity and I dont want to do that just yet), showed her ugly little self last night.... When Carlos wakes up and is NOT happy, I wake up with just my silky pj shirt on and no underwear, I still have makeup on, my hair is still the way I wore it the previous day and my mouth tastes like the gutter...... AND lastly, hence the title of my rant today, i hear him slamming shit around downstairs... It hurts my head today.

Carlos is my man friend. He lives here with me, we have been dating for a little over 3 years and living together for 2 and 1/2 yrs... WOW, I will talk more on that later. Why am I so easily distracted right now, I am going off on tangents... back to the story!

So what to do? I asked Carlos if he was OK and he said "YES...we shouldn't have gone out last night" mmmm ok why? But I didnt ask. We went out last night to meet an old friend that we hadn't seen in a while, and we HAD to go since we flaked out on him last time. Soooo I think he might be upset that he is hung over and he has to go to work today, and I am staying home this morning, because i have some appts to attend to... but not sure.
Do I ask him again? Probably not, he doesn't like confrontation too much.

So my guess is slamming things around at breakfast time is his way of telling me he is pissed at me... why cant we just talk about it... I know he hates my alter ego, but I thought I had her in check last night..but I can't really remember... I must ask him this slamming shit around is driving me nuts... be right back.

Ok I asked him again if he was ok, he said he didn't feel great. I need to go brush my yuck mouth.

peace.... Chonies

the mothership came early

dirty here. the mothership came early this week. i've been hungover since friday. its wednesday today. so thats a long hangover. i climbed into bed at 8 to try to get some sleep, but its 11 now and i'm restless and wishing i had a genie to help me pull my life together.

i just spent the last hour trying to log on to my yahoo mail through my piece of shit verizon phone so that i can download a racy picture of myself to send to this guy i've spent the last couple of nights with. im so frustrated i could kill something. im about to give up. i would have given up a long time ago but the picture is pretty hot and i want him to have it. this frustration could be what is causing my insomnia. so i thought maybe i should blog.

i called chonies twice tonight and she didnt answer. judging by her last post she was looking for me. unfortunately i was highjacked by aliens most of the day. it started when i woke up late for work this morning in bed with said guy (mentioned above) - lets call him sugar lips. i could tell by the way i wanted to jump sugar lips' bones that i was half hung over and half drunk from the night before. i started to recollect the late night bottle of crown we discovered in sugar lips' cabinet. total score. then i wondered if two of my girlfriends that were there the night before were sleeping downstairs. i also wondered if one of them was still passed out in the bathroom or if she had made it to the couch at some point. i had tried to get her tucked in after she vomited her last vodka shot but she didn't want my help. i brought her some tap water and left her alone. hell of a tuesday night.

once i made it home from sugar lips' house, i got a surprise visit from a friend that wants to be more than a friend, and that bummed me out. im wondering if it is the same friend that chonies had lunch with today because it was a sad situation. i hope our friend feels better soon, there wasn't very much i could do to help. i hate seeing people hurting and i feel terrible. it's never my intention to cause people pain. i dont know how im supposed to help it if my existence on this planet does that - causes some people pain that is. i guess i could be more reserved and cautious and closed off. keep people at bay. but at the same time i feel like...f* that. i am damned if i do and they are damned if i dont and if there is one thing i've learned in this life its that you have to do what feels right to you. you have to learn your own boundaries and then respect them. and you have to trust and hope that others do the same. and that is one of the key elements of maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and growing the f* up. and maybe sometimes getting hurt is part of learning that lesson. and maybe it will all be okay and maybe even for the better in the long run.

im anxious and frustrated.

ugh

i could really go for some detox tea....

dirty - out.

where is dirty?

So Dirty is missing in action today, I wonder where the heck she is?
I usually bounce my thoughts and feelings off of her throughout the day, but I cannot find her so dirtychonies,com will have to take the heat today.

It's amazing how much I have pent up, just from not talking to her today- I must vent...

I met a friend for lunch, why do all friends have to vent? I know I shouldn't be so selfish, Lord only knows I talk about myself A LOT, probably more than anyone cares to admit. Any way my friend was really hurting today, I felt so bad, I actually listened more than I talked today....what a concept.

I'm starting to realize I should probably listen more, in general. I guess listening opens up a whole new set of challenges, 1- you need to be fully engaged...sometimes I find myself drifting off and thinking of other things or thinking about what I am going to say next (most non listeners do this) 2- you need to be sympathetic and 3- you need to be honest... I find that I chime in when I have to point something that is so obvious to me but maybe not them, that is probably annoying right?

I know that because when I am venting, I hate when the person SUPPOSED to be listening tries to chime in or start their own story! Even though I am guilty of it too!!

I guess the point of this whole freaking rant today, is that I learned what it feels like to actually shut up and listen... I am not sure how I feel about the whole thing...


Where the hell are you dirty?

signed-
Chonies