I talked to Trenton today, he was in Sicily, wow!
It was so good to hear his voice, he sounded happy and most of all safe!
I miss him, it has only been a week, and there are still 2 weeks until I can see him and hold him in my arms! WOW, what am I gonna do with myself.
It's bizarre that a) the kids are so far away from me, b) I haven't even been able to talk to Alyssa, not that it is so different anymore, c) that I am not with them
I guess that this is how life will be in about 10 years when they are both gone on their own. 10 yrs seems like a long time away, let's hope it doesn't fly by like the last 10 have.
I am looking forward to seeing them both grow and achieve and travel to places that even I haven't been, I guess that is part of being a mother. When the kids are young you are so stuck in what seems to be, "life" as you know it....but life doesn't really start until the kids go out on their own and show you that what you have sacrificed and taught them, is all for some greater purpose...that is what being a mom or a parent is really about.
I find it hard to believe I am missing out on the current life of one of my kids, but I also, for some reason, know, that I will be there for her when it's most important to her. I just don't know when that will be. For now I have to trust that the relationship that was built over 12 yrs still has some sort of strength to break through and bring her back to me.
I miss the kids, but I know that they are safe and happy and that is all that really matters.
Chones-out.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Graduation Day...
You told me to be there at 5, I was there (you were not)
I waited for you to arrive, you gave me 3 minutes
You told me no flowers/cards/gifts, I brought nothing-
I see you after graduation with a bouquet of flowers in your arms. I died.
You said no crying, I showed a brave face- but cried alone when you could not see me.
You asked me not to hold you up- I didn't
Heartbroken I sat and watched you, my girl, graduate 8th grade, Nana and Papa were missing and hurting. I died some more
When we said goodbye,I did not know when I would see or talk to you again. I walked away with a few pictures of your special day and a few moments to remember this special.
I love you
I waited for you to arrive, you gave me 3 minutes
You told me no flowers/cards/gifts, I brought nothing-
I see you after graduation with a bouquet of flowers in your arms. I died.
You said no crying, I showed a brave face- but cried alone when you could not see me.
You asked me not to hold you up- I didn't
Heartbroken I sat and watched you, my girl, graduate 8th grade, Nana and Papa were missing and hurting. I died some more
When we said goodbye,I did not know when I would see or talk to you again. I walked away with a few pictures of your special day and a few moments to remember this special.
I love you
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Visualization....
I learned this new technique (new to me at least)last night..I went to an IAAP meeting (international association of something) cant remember right now, any who, it was a meeting for Executive administrators, so basically a room of middle aged women and 1 man, there for the San Jose Chapter meeting....
I was invited to join the meeting, because I was thinking about joining this group. Work will pay for it and it seems to be a great way to network. It might be.
I still need to figure out how this can help me...I will get back to you on that.
SO... Visualization, there was this guest speaker and she was talking about journaling and goals and all that, which was great, I often journal or blog, but I had never experienced this visualization technique. She asked the room to A) write down a goal that we had just met, sometime in the future, and write as if we were in that moment now, how we felt, what we were doing in that moment. Once we did that she B) had us close our eyes and imagine us in that moment, what did we look like? how did we feel? where were we? C) we then had to imagine ourselves on the outside looking in at ourselves, and take a picture D) this gets good, we had to imagine floating above us in that moment and seeing the path ahead and our future ahead of that.....after about a few minutes she brought us back "into the room" as she put it. Now I have a great imagination, but this was something I just never experienced, I think I was focused enough to actually do this exercise and get something out of it, but I am not sure. I always freakin' doubt myself.
When I got home I thought about the goal I had written down, I think it was Jan 2 2013 in my goal...and I wondered to myself, is that really what I want to be doing (hint: my goal was about a career path) or is it what I think others think I should be doing.
I have come to the conclusion: I don't really know exactly what I want to do.... I don't have a fucking plan.......and when someone asks me what are your future plans.... I don't fucking have an answer. I have some ideas and dreams...I guess I should start there and write these things down along with some achievable short term goals or I am going no where in a hurry!
I need a drink!
Later-Chon's
I was invited to join the meeting, because I was thinking about joining this group. Work will pay for it and it seems to be a great way to network. It might be.
I still need to figure out how this can help me...I will get back to you on that.
SO... Visualization, there was this guest speaker and she was talking about journaling and goals and all that, which was great, I often journal or blog, but I had never experienced this visualization technique. She asked the room to A) write down a goal that we had just met, sometime in the future, and write as if we were in that moment now, how we felt, what we were doing in that moment. Once we did that she B) had us close our eyes and imagine us in that moment, what did we look like? how did we feel? where were we? C) we then had to imagine ourselves on the outside looking in at ourselves, and take a picture D) this gets good, we had to imagine floating above us in that moment and seeing the path ahead and our future ahead of that.....after about a few minutes she brought us back "into the room" as she put it. Now I have a great imagination, but this was something I just never experienced, I think I was focused enough to actually do this exercise and get something out of it, but I am not sure. I always freakin' doubt myself.
When I got home I thought about the goal I had written down, I think it was Jan 2 2013 in my goal...and I wondered to myself, is that really what I want to be doing (hint: my goal was about a career path) or is it what I think others think I should be doing.
I have come to the conclusion: I don't really know exactly what I want to do.... I don't have a fucking plan.......and when someone asks me what are your future plans.... I don't fucking have an answer. I have some ideas and dreams...I guess I should start there and write these things down along with some achievable short term goals or I am going no where in a hurry!
I need a drink!
Later-Chon's
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