Scoundrels and Hoodlums

Hey Ya'll

Since our last blog, we found that Dirty was in fact, NOT KNOCKED UP, Thank Jesus for that one!!!! :)

It's been a while since my last entry and I have every reason to believe it's due to Scoundrels and Hoodlums (S&H's) in my life.

I've discovered that lately, like the last year or so, I have not been really "living" just kind of surviving in this cruel world. Second by second,minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day... and along the way these S&H's have diverted me in so many ways. Call them what you will, whether they are distractions, evil people who want to see me unhappy, messy relationships... they have sucked the joy out of my life. In general, if you asked anyone that knew me, I am a pretty optimistic and happy person. Some would call me too nice and annoyingly happy :) Lately I find that S&H's have taken over. Even worse, I have let them.

I have done things to try and change this. For starters, I recognized it, before things went too far downhill. That's half the battle right?

Second, I have tried to take some "Me" time each morning to read and study my bible and read and write down scriptures that are positive and help me to remember to embrace the simple things and be grateful for the things I have and the people in my life. Embrace nature and the things on this earth that are otherwise taken for granted, like the birds chirping and the trees blowing in the wind. It helps to calm me. Don't get me wrong, by noon I am a raging mess of a person and all those calm feelings have passed. But remembering those times and trying to learn to constantly connect with that time really helps.

I am in my second bible study at church, I have learned I am not a perfect person, and not the best christian woman in the world...will never be, I mean I already knew that but sometimes we think our shit don't stink... Somehow the fellowship with other women, helps me to remember that we all, at one point or another feel the same way about ourselves. I am really trying and really believe, that fully devoting this time and having a relationship with God will improve my quality of life.

I have discovered that I am bored with my job, I am not really challenged. Reasons why I stay: I make money, it's a very flexible job and it's comfortable for me. If I go try to get a new job A) I will make more money, which means B) I will have to pay "Sperm Donor" MORE child support for our eldest. OH HELL NO!
C) I will have to work more and have less flexibility.
D) I will have to make all new co-workers, and I am not in the mood to be nice to new people right now....
So THAT'S not an option, unless of course they fire my butt because they too see that I am a wasteoid at work most days.... let's think positive!

I have also discovered that I want to do something more creative in life, I feel like I am meant to do something more with my life. In what capacity? I don't know yet. My creative juices need stoking!

So this leaves me with the idea that I keep my current job and suck it up, and start doing something outside of work that is creative and that could lead to another potential career, will that make me happy? I need to really think about this, I need to regroup and sit back, chill out and be open to what that calling is. Being open to things and honest with yourself about what capacity you have is a really hard thing to do... I am not sure how to even start..... any suggestions?

When I hear about my friends younger and older going through "shit" in their lives and how S&H are effing with them,just as they are me, I wonder...do things really ever change? I remember being younger and just thinking, "I will get through this" and now, years later I am still saying "I will get through this" I've come to the conclusion (I am no Einstein, I know) that's what life is all about right? Encountering things and getting through them, some great things, some not so great...but there is no one point in time that ever lasts more that that fleeting moment...time will not stand still. So I shall make the most of each day...and remember to embrace these days regardless of the S&H's that get in my way and try to bring me down. I have decided to drop kick those Scoundrels and Hoodlums straight in the throat!

For now...I think I am on the right track....but staying on the tracks without completely derailing is freakin' hard!

xoxo
Chon's